My hair reeks of homosexuality.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
