Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
