I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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