Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
