I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
