Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
