haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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