Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
