very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
