I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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