i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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