Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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