So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
