what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
