toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
