that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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