I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
