we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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