I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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