But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
