Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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