operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
