i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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