ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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