Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
