i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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