Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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