Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
