I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
