Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
