God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
