Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
