so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
