Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
