there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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