escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i came on her dog
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
