The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize