i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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