last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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