he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
