also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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