Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the liver wants what the liver wants
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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