come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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