Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
