He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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