dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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