Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
