for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
