I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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