Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
