help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
