I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
