I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
