so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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