thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
