in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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