Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
