Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
