Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
