i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
