Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
