If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
