Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
