I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
