I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
