Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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