You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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