So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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