it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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