I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
