Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
