If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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